Living alone is a strange experience. I’ve always been the independent type, so living alone is not a big deal. In fact, most of the time I actually enjoy it. I have my own space and the freedom to do as I please with it. It’s rewarding to look around and know that I’m not relying on anyone but myself. There’s a peacefulness that comes with knowing that you are in full control of everything you have.
But, there’s also a loneliness that accompanies it.
I don’t get greeted with hugs and “how are you’s” when I walk through my door. There’s nobody to share my daily frustrations with, or to share stories around the dinner table with. The routine can quickly become rather bleak.
There’s nobody to roll over and hold close when I wake up from a nightmare. There’s nobody to scream at when everything seems to be falling apart. There’s nobody to laugh when I do something stupid and embarrassing. There’s just silence.
And sometimes, that silence is so overwhelming, I may as well be drowning.
So on those nights where I turn on the lights and see nothing but the walls I’ve grown so familiar with, I put on music. I put a record on and dance around in my underwear while trying not to spill my wine, or I shuffle my playlist on the speakers throughout my apartment and work out until I’m exhausted. It brings me company when I have none, and it brings comfort when all else fails.
Music speaks. It can say all of the words that are at the tip of my tongue but I can’t get my lips to form. It fills the voids left by all of those I try to forget. Songs speak the passion we wish we could convey to that person that means the world to us. They speak the pain that we didn’t think anyone could relate to. Music soothes loneliness.
Put your records on. Dance drunk and naked in your living room until the numbness fades. Cry along with the honest words poured out of that artist’s heart until the pain in manageable. Let the music take you off to a land that is more beautiful than the one you are in at the present moment. Let it lift that weight from your shoulders and comfort the loneliness you’re feeling during those panicky moments of solitude. I’ve found more consolation in songs than I have in anything else.
When everything feels empty, let the music fill the void. Tomorrow is a new day. ❤