I think sometimes people who know of my losses feel like they have to tiptoe around me. I guess I understand why; maybe they feel that I am more fragile now because of what I’ve been through, and they don’t want to say anything to upset me or make things worse.
But the reality is quite the opposite. I’ve found a strength I didn’t know I was capable of. My weaknesses teach me and give me opportunity for growth.
This journey through life after loss has taught me many valuable lessons. Yes, I’ve lived through my worst nightmares come true, but I’m not broken. I’m stronger now because of it. It’s no secret these things happened, so it drives me crazy when people talk circles around the subject. Lay it on me. Challenge me. I want you to ask the difficult questions. I want to hear what you are going through and what scares you. I want you to talk about the things that are on your mind. Let’s have a real conversation and let’s get through it together.
I’ve found a sense of appreciation for the hardships that I’ve endured because I’d rather it be me experiencing it than someone else. That took some time to come to terms with… because obviously I wish life could be a walk in the park, but if these awful events had to happen, I’m grateful that I’m able to take that pain and try to do something positive with it. Pity parties get you nowhere, so maybe I can help someone else through their own hard times. The struggles have equipped me with a deeper level of empathy and understanding.
So lay it on me, babe. I’ll take the beating and I’ll keep fighting back. Give me the burden so someone else doesn’t have to experience it. I’ll gladly lend a hand if someone needs a pick-me-up. I’ll be the listening ear if there’s something you’re afraid to tell just anyone. Want to talk to me about my past? Just ask. Want to talk about the real dark shit going on in your life? Grab a beer and sit down. Be real with me… there’s no need to sugarcoat it. I’m not going to crumble because you say the wrong thing. I crave those genuine human connections through brutally honest conversation.
Life isn’t all bow ties and bumblebees, but that’s the BEAUTY of it all. The ugly, terrifying realities that lurk behind a smile; that’s the most beautiful part of life. We can keep going and doing amazing things even when so much could go wrong at any moment. I feel blessed that I am now able to truly appreciate that so many people are aching inside yet still doing amazing things and putting forth so much love and effort into this world. I know it’s not an easy feat, and I greatly admire those tired souls that keep shining their light.
The power of human resilience and strength; it’s just incredible.
Life keeps moving forward no matter how much we wish we could slow it down, so I try to enjoy the ride and experience every emotion as it comes. The good or the bad, I’ll find the beauty in the pain. The truth of the matter is, this is just the beginning, so lay it on thick, I can take it. I’m ready for battle. I’m prepared for the next storm.
Merely Sarah 